"We live in a fantasy world, a world of illusion. The great task in life is to find reality." Iris Murdoch

“There is nothing either good or bad, but thinking makes it so.” – William Shakespeare

A fantasy is your imagination unrestricted by reality. Reality is the state of things as they exist-what we see, hear, and actually experience. Everyone fantasizes starting from the time we are young. Among other benefits, fantasy stimulates and sharpens creativity and helps us discover novel solutions to problems we encounter.

One limitation of fantasy is that when we fantasize about a particular thing (ie. a ‘dream’ job, home, or spouse/partner), we tend to cherry pick the best aspects that we can imagine. Although fantasies are powerful, they are incomplete. A real life experience is very different from a fantasy---when you actually experience something or someone, you get the whole enchilada--which hopefully includes all the pleasant things you imagined beforehand as well as the challenges and drawbacks you may not have been aware of or ever considered.

The problem occurs when our fantasies affect our expectations about very real things. The dream job that pays the income we always desired may require us to work in dangerous conditions or work much longer hours than we’d like to actually work….. The huge home we dreamt about living in may cost a lot more money to heat and cool than we ever envisioned or may be too far away from relatives & close friends….The very attractive partner we fantasized about being with may turn out to be dishonest or hard to get along with.

If you’re gonna stay in fantasy mode, there’s no need to change a thing, but if you are dreaming about something you really want to make happen, you need to adjust your expectations accordingly. Living the good life requires we remove the blind fold and find reality in all its glory--ups, downs, smiles & frowns. Onward and upward.